No Appetite for God

Growing up in church, I was taught to recognize the Bible as Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth (B.I.B.L.E). It changed my esteem for the Bible, it wasn’t just another book. I never put it on the floor or threw it around, I was very protective of it. Unlike other books, I saw the Bible as sacred, the nourishment I needed to live and thrive.

When my sister and I attended a private Christian school for a few years in elementary, we learned two songs that taught us the books of the Bible- one for the Old Testament and one for the New Testament. We also learned other songs in Chapel that helped us remember significant Bible stories. I still remember those songs today. 

Years of Sunday School, Tuesday Night Bible Study and Friday Night Teaching taught me countless scriptures and stories. Attending those services and others indoctrinated me with what I needed to know to live a holy and separated life in this world as salvation and sanctification required. And yet, when I was mature enough to pursue the Lord for myself, I didn’t have the appetite.

I didn’t have a desire to read the Bible for myself or even pray. When I did, it was because I had to prepare for something or I realized I should do it because too much time had passed. It was never out of necessity or desire, and definitely not relationship, it was always a religious decision.

It’s interesting, despite the steady diet I’d been accustomed to receiving throughout my childhood, it hadn’t developed my appetite over time. I’d heard the Word for years, even committed some of it to memory, but it hadn’t penetrated my heart. 

Thankfully, I finally realized where I went wrong. I never cultivated or managed the diet I’d been receiving. I left that responsibility for my parents and the Church to maintain, yet, it became my responsibility when I matured. Between my parents and the Church, the seeds had been planted. However, it was my duty to water and fertilize it for growth.

Since I’ve learned to cultivate my appetite for the Word, I’ve grown to know God more intimately. But it wasn’t easy. To get here, I had to:

  • Understand that a constant diet shapes appetite over time

  • Practice fasting from specific luxuries such as phone, TV, social media, etc. that can become distractions

  • View my blessings and struggles as motivation to draw closer

Don’t get me wrong, learning this doesn’t mean I’m perfect. Some days I still struggle with spiritual discipline. And with a husband, toddler and a baby on the way, it can be even more difficult. However, it’s refreshing to know that the Word isn’t just highlighted in my Bible anymore, it’s also been highlighted in my heart.

Kolanda DouglasComment