Don't forget you!

This is not the post I imagined writing to launch my blogger journey. Initially, I thought my first post would be a long introduction about my life. I'd tell you a little about my childhood, my teenage years, and then some college stories to lead you to where I am now. However, as I'm writing, those thoughts aren't the ones that come to mind. My current state of mind is more pressing at the moment so that's where I'll begin my journey...

I'm currently in a season of revelation (it's so important to discern the season you're in!). Lately, at least once a week, I feel as if someone opened my head and dumped newfound information. It literally feels like an overload, sometimes too much at once that my head hurts. And perhaps it feels that way because I'm finally ready to receive what God has been trying to convey. You know, we can make our mouths say anything but our hearts still need to be aligned and ready to receive in order to pursue what's heard. And while I appreciate the revelation, the hardest part is discovering whether the new information is supposed to be an extension of what I already know or completely replace the old information.

This season of revelation seemed to reach a peak in Fall 2018. I've always been the "strong" friend but last year I realized that one of my spiritual gifts was encouragement. I'd never thought of it that way until a friend bought it to my attention. While I'm honored God would use me in such a way, it highlighted the fact that as the "encourager," I sometimes went without encouragement. I realized that I often poured into others without refueling. I forgot about me. And as a result, I condemned friends and family for not meeting my need. However, after some much needed self-evaluation, I realized it was my responsibility. I never spoke up about what I needed and I never sought help. As much as I argued with God and others that they should've been able to perceive my needs, it's on me, not them.

Now, I know better. I understand that with the Spirit's help, I'm responsible for taking care of Kolanda mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically. I'm more sensitive to my needs and more intentional about meeting them. I've decided to participate in opportunities that feed and nurture me, even if I have to attend alone.

It's impossible to feed others when you're not being fed. And because of my calling, it's essential that I remain in a "full" state. I never know when God will send someone to feed from my overflow. And since I've given Him permission to use me as He pleases, I don't want to hinder what He desires to accomplish through me. While ministry is primarily about serving others, don't forget you!