This self-induced defense mechanism of spiritual regression wreaks so much havoc on your life as you attempt to protect yourself from anxious thoughts or feelings, and try to assure yourself that you’re psychologically safe.
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If I obey God and the result of my obedience isn’t welcomed by others, overflowing in success, plentiful in opportunity, abounding in favor, etc., I tell myself, “I must’ve misunderstood God’s instructions.”
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While watching the women in my family taught me perseverance, it didn’t teach me how to rest.
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Because I always finish what I start, admitting defeat was very difficult. But it’s better to surrender, retreat, and try again, than to get beat up and still lose the fight.
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There are moments where I feel like I’m wasting time because I’m not working. Then, I remind myself of the occasions I’ve worked with no rest and try to enjoy my rest time.
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Sometimes the anxiety is so great, so consuming, so palpable, I’d rather not continue to pursue purpose if it would eliminate the anxiety altogether.
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…I’m not my best self when Kolanda is in need of care. I can’t serve others effectively when I’m empty. I want to serve others from my overflow, not my main flow.
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I realized that I often poured into others without refueling. I forgot about me.
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