This self-induced defense mechanism of spiritual regression wreaks so much havoc on your life as you attempt to protect yourself from anxious thoughts or feelings, and try to assure yourself that you’re psychologically safe.
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I was fully tuned into the sermon until the Pastor said: “Some of us are too fragile for God’s glory…We think being “chosen” or “called” is equivalent to receiving special privileges.”
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For example, whenever there is a transition and/or shift happening in my life, it’s usually accompanied by other transitions and/or shifts.
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It felt like I’d won the war, but lost the battle. The only way I can describe how I felt is like the ending of the movie 300. Although the Spartans won, nothing was ever the same because they all died on the battlefield.
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This year, several experiences triggered memories and feelings held by the little girl in me that I thought the adult me had suppressed years ago.
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That day, the evolution of my ministry stopped being plans inside the Notepad app on my phone and became a reality.
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A piece of me died this month. And it's kind of ironic considering that September marked another year of life, health and strength for me.
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While watching the women in my family taught me perseverance, it didn’t teach me how to rest.
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As I discussed the situation with family and friends over the next few days, I discovered an open wound that I’ve unknowingly been carrying since 5th grade.
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Because I always finish what I start, admitting defeat was very difficult. But it’s better to surrender, retreat, and try again, than to get beat up and still lose the fight.
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So, for the first few days of January, I started looking for a word. Every powerful thing I heard, watched or read, I tried to make it my word for the year.
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After some time, the members began to recognize me as Marcus’ wife. However, no one really knew me because I remained cordial, but not engaging.
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It was as if I was having an outer body experience, watching a version of me enjoying a vacation.
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Although I traveled to these places for either business or personal, every trip had one thing in common: Each destination was prepared for my arrival.
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By hoping the enemy would leave me alone because I ignore him or because I don’t antagonize him, it’s possible that I’ve invited some demonic access and manifestations into my life. By being afraid to confront the enemy, I’ve likely left some areas of my life vulnerable and without a defense.
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God, you said a lot of things that week to not have given me any specific details. Why do you have to be so elusive? Do you want me to follow your perfect will or not? If so, then just tell me what you want me to do!
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I kept trying to offer other types of sacrifice but He’d already made it clear what He wanted. So eventually, I said “Yes” to His will and neglected mine. And my life has not been the same.
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Black Friday shopping had been thrilling for me because it was the one time of year I could afford to purchase certain wants and luxuries. I’d wait all year to purchase a TV, a laptop, a phone or some popular kitchen appliance.
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Although my fears were legitimate, I knew I couldn’t allow them to have more influence than the Spirit working through me.
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There are moments where I feel like I’m wasting time because I’m not working. Then, I remind myself of the occasions I’ve worked with no rest and try to enjoy my rest time.
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