Obedience Negotiations
There are three distinct ministry-related instances where I deliberately disobeyed God between June and July.
He told me to pray for and lay hands on a specific young woman at church, but I thought the timing would be considered “out of order” by others. So, I chose to disobey.
He told me to pray for a specific young woman at The Retreat, but I thought I would be considered as “doing too much” at an event that was supposed to be a relaxing escape from reality. So, I chose to disobey.
He told me to pray for and lay hands on a specific group of young women, but I thought it would be uncomfortable for them and an inconvenience to their schedules. So, I chose to disobey.
No matter the instructions, the outcome remained the same: God spoke. I disobeyed. Satan won.
Instead of allowing the power of God to operate through me and to minister to others at the point of their need, I’ve been negotiating my obedience. And as a result, the enemy has been getting the advantage.
All this has really made me think about why I can speak boldly on my social media platforms but struggle with confidence in person. And this week, Philippians 2:13 NLT came in mind: “For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him.” If I look at my current state according to this verse, I’ve allowed the power of God to work in me to transform my will. However, I haven’t fully allowed that same power to change my behavior (to do). So, in addition to asking God to reveal His plan for my life, I need to equally ask Him for the confidence to execute what He reveals. And if I continue to practice this, I’ll get to the place where I just obey God, and let my understanding catch up.
(Dear God, try me again. I’ll be ready.)